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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Henry Cloud, John Townsend
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Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask:
- Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
- What are legitimate boundaries?
- What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
- How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
- Aren't boundaries selfish?
- Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
- Sales Rank: #193 in Books
- Brand: Zondervan
- Published on: 1992-04-01
- Released on: 1992-04-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .79" w x 5.47" l, .70 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
- Great product!
Amazon.com Review
In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson
Review
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have great insights and practical wisdom into the God-given gift of boundaries. As they discuss how to take responsibility for and ownership of our lives, they give hope that we cannot just survive -- but thrive! --Josh McDowell, Author, Author and Speaker
Review
'Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have great insights and practical wisdom into the God-given gift of boundaries. As they discuss how to take responsibility for and ownership of our lives, they give hope that we cannot just survive -- but thrive!' -- Josh McDowell, Author, Author and Speaker
Most helpful customer reviews
833 of 872 people found the following review helpful.
Turning my life around
By A Customer
As a Christian, I continually struggled with feeling depressed from being a doormat, and being nice because it was "part of the abundant Christian life." Everyone spoke about Christianity as being a joyful, full life that I would love and never want to return to the secular world. Then why did I feel so miserable? Why did the secular world seem so appealing, where I could be as nasty and selfish as I wanted to?
The answer was in "Boundaries". As I read the book, I could identify with something in every chapter. I'm the type of person who will let everyone else step all over me to keep themselves happy. As long as I didn't raise a ruckus, and the peace was kept, everything was okay, right? WRONG! Inside I was always seething with anger, and I was livid with the fact that I had to continually step out of the way for everyone else while they ran right over me.
Through reading this book, I realized that it's OK to set boundaries in all interactions; in fact, I now believe that it would be wrong NOT to set boundaries in things. Slowly but surely, with the help from this book's message, I've been setting boundaries for a happier life that's filled with more peace, joy, and abundance than ever.
401 of 418 people found the following review helpful.
This Book--> The Pencil That Will Help You Draw the Lines
By K.W.
Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if:
-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"
In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.
And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...
-your family
-your friends
-your mate
-your kids
-your self
The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.
This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".
135 of 141 people found the following review helpful.
Very good book.... even for an atheist like me
By A Reader
This book is truly excellent. In my own childhood I grew up with a domineering, imposing and dare I say it "bullying" father and a meek, mild, "anything for a quiet life", sweet as honey mother. I resented my Dad for riding roughshod all over my Mum as a kid but have learned as an adult how they both are responsible. With time I began to resent Mum for being such a wimp as well as my Dad for being a control freak. Now I just love them to pieces, because they are my dear parents.
Anyway, I grew up to be a controlling, abusive tyrant, just like my Dad was if not worse. This persisted until 2008 when the beautiful, adoring woman I married got tired of my treatment of her and left me. I would never have woken up, let alone **grown** up if she hadn't done this. With a lot of time and work from my side we got back together again and the type of "man" I used to be really disgusts me. With time and effort I have been able to put together healthy boundaries of behaviour I will and will not accept from others, and from myself.
The point is my wife took a stand, just as this book says to. And it worked. On me that is.
If you are an abused spouse take a radical stand. The more radical the better. Do exactly what this book tells you to do.
I have given the book four stars because I am an atheist (sorry to any religious folks, I just cannot believe any of it, even if I wanted to) and my "God filter" had to be on at all times. Still, it doesn't matter what source the help comes from and I wish I had come across this book five years ago. My two little kids will learn healthy boundaries as well so they don't grow up to be the basket case I was.
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